Traveling From Me to We

As a single man, I was extremely independent.  I've been washing my own laundry since I was 8 years old.  I learned to cook for a household of guys simply by opening up my mom's cookbook and having at it.  When I was 21 I drove myself to Estes Park, CO, to work at the YMCA of the Rockies for the summer.  I stopped three times only because I needed to fill up on fuel.  All that to say, I lived pretty simply and relied on few.

When I got married, things changed a little, but together we lived a very simple life and could drop everything on a whim and take a trip for a day, a weekend, or even longer if we so desired.  Nothing could tie us down too easily.

That all changed March 14th, 2014 when Reese and Sienna decided to abruptly change our wandering ways.  I learned very quickly that having a child means everything you plan to do takes much longer.  Add in the fact that we have twins, and a trip to the store for a few groceries has to be planned to perfection.

The past four months have been a great exercise in trial and error.  We have had some very unfortunate failures when leaving home with overly tired girls who then fussed through our entire Meijer run.  We've learned that it is absolutely essential that you time things perfectly so that both girls are not hungry nor overly tired.  In fact, it is best if you time it just right so that they are ready to take a nap, fall asleep in the car and then you carefully transfer them to the stroller and batten down the hatches so that no stray stream of light can slip through.

I'd like to think that we had a good rhythm going, so we decided why not up the ante.  It was time to take our first family vacation.

Up until this point, the farthest we had traveled was an hour and a half to my parents.  Sometimes the girls slept the entire way.  Other times we messed up and they were pretty fussy.  So needless to say, the 6.5 hour trip to northern Michigan was not going to be for the faint of heart.

The interesting thing about when you have twins (or any baby for that matter, I assume) is that your thoughts completely change from "What do I need?" to "What do the babies need?"  We planned for weeks all that we were going to need to raise our girls outside of the comforts of our home.  The day before we packed, repacked, made a list, checked it twice (anybody thinking about Christmas now?), and after everything for our girls was ready, we decided we better throw some clothes and toiletries together for ourselves.  We got everything in our car and left only a few small items to get ready the next morning so we could feed, diaper, clothe and head out the door all in stride.

Our girls were champs.  They had slept for a full night (from 8:00-5:00) and by the time we got a few miles down the road, they were sound asleep.

Things looked good. We were on schedule and everything was going according to plan.  Then it started raining.

You may ask, "So what, what's the big deal about a little bit of rain?"  Normally I would say the same thing.  I am a very comfortable driver in any weather/traffic condition.  However, we had been putting off buying new tires for months, and with the heavy rains that came, I could sense our car on the verge of hydroplaning.  Now as a single guy, I would have been up for the challenge of maneuvering a car pretending it was walking on water.  And as a newlywed, I was too cheap and strapped for cash to not push the last thousandth of a millimeter on our treads to the brink of extinction.  But as a dad of two very precious, vulnerable girls, I could put my family at risk no longer.

So an hour into our trip, not even 3/4 of the way through Chicago, I pulled off and bit the bullet (a surprisingly expensive bullet at $800) to replace our tires.

Sitting in a Discount Tires in Countryside, completely soaked from running our two girls into the store, I thought about how our plans had gotten derailed.  Why had I been so stubborn and put this off for so long?  I had checked the oil, the tire pressure, filled the wiper fluid reservoir, changed the wiper blades, and double checked the cargo box and bungees tying down our bikes several times.  Even as I sat frustrated for being so foolish, my girls couldn't help but brighten my day.  Sometimes we plan and plan and plan, but inevitably a wrench is thrown in.  Only God knows His plans for us.  But isn't that comforting?  How cool is it that the creator of the universe knows me so intimately as to the hairs on my head and the amount of breaths I will breath in this life!?!  As a flawed, poorly-prioritizing human, I would much rather have a holy and perfect God in control of my plans.

As we pulled back onto the highway, I hoped things were on the up and up.  We were still in the middle of the storm, but I hoped we would outrun it soon as we turned north heading into Michigan.  In fact we did get ahead of the storm.  Unfortunately that's exactly when our girls decided it was time to feed.

We pulled off at a rest stop as we crossed into Michigan.  As busy as the place was, we decided our best bet was to park far from everyone else and feed and change the girls in the car.  As Julianne started to feed the the first girl, the rains caught up to us.  When I say caught up, it actually seemed more like we were in our own private Ark (hey we even had the whole two-by-two thing going on).  Trying to avoid getting soaked a second time, I opted to grab the other baby in the car seat by reaching around my own.  I then managed to change each girl on a pillow in my lap.  Quarters were tight, but we were happy and dry (in more ways than one).

Traveling the rest of the way was rainy for the most part.  Because we had stopped for an extra hour to get new tires, our girls required one more feeding an hour from our cabin, which made our grand total of time to come to 8.5 hours of travel.  This was not the perfect start to our first attempt at vacationing with twins.

When we got to our cabin, my parents, sister, brother-in-law and niece were already there and unpacked.  They saved a room for us that happened to have a rocking chair in it, which was perfect for our feedings, but it also happened to be a very tight fit.  After setting up both of our girls' Pack 'N Plays, we had little room to maneuver about.  Nonetheless, we weren't planning on spending much time there, and we were just happy to be mere feet from the clearest body of freshwater I had ever seen.

Most of the week was spent sleeping in, grabbing a kayak or paddle-board and heading out on the lake.  We hiked the mile long trail to Lake Michigan with our girls through mosquito infested woods, went on many beautiful walks in Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, and even hiked up the most incredible dunes I've ever seen (seriously, they were hundreds of feet high and over a mile and a half wide!).

Our girls did great.  During the day they enjoyed playing and kicking around in a $10 baby tent we found at a garage sale.  At night, they graciously gave us the longest stretches of sleep we've experienced yet with twins.  They even allowed us to go out for a night with our siblings as Nana and Papa watched all three of their grandchildren.  


Our trip home went perfectly as planned.  We left early in the morning after packing the night before.  Our girls slept the entire first stretch.  We stopped midway as they started stirring, refueled our cars and our babes, and headed out for the last leg home.  We made it back to West Dundee with two sleeping babes after a 6.5 hour drive.  It's nice when reality matches your plans perfectly (only because I like to say that I knew what was going to happen all along).

All in all, it was a much needed trip away, if only to show that we could do it.  Raising twins (as with any baby) can be difficult and change your life dramatically.  But blessed trips away with family are still completely possible and even bring a new found excitement to them.  I can't wait to explore all the corners of this country with my girls (and other future children, God willing).  I can't wait to show them how to read a map and follow along with where we are going.  I can't wait to see their faces light up when they first see the Rocky Mountains rising up over the Colorado plains, or witness their first dolphin jumping out of the Gulf waters in Florida.  I can't wait to teach them all the fun road games to play as we delve deeper into the American heartland, or listen to the newest bestselling book on CD as a family as we pass the time together.  Overall, I can't wait to share with my kids the many wonderful experiences I was given as a child to see this great world, all the while driving home the importance of family.  This trip to Northern Michigan was a great first step in that direction.

Much Needed Time Away

***(Before I start, you may think that as a dad of two babies that require a lot of attention and energy, time away is a necessity.  However, I am a homebody and struggle with being away from home and especially my wife and girls.  Despite that, this experience showed why time away can unexpectedly be a blessing in disguise.)***

As a football coach, there are many duties required of us that pull us away from our families.  Practices during the week run till about 5 or 6 o'clock.  Games on Friday nights mean we won't see our families most likely till Saturday mornings.  And those glorious Saturday mornings we all desire to sleep in are spent breaking down film and getting a team workout in.  Even summers are not completely free for the teacher/coach, as most of the non-education world believes.  We spend weeks preparing for the season ahead with lifting, camps, 7-on-7's and other team activities.  Needless to say, our families are extremely understanding of all that is required of us as coaches.  

So when I told my wife that we had an overnight team camp at beautiful Augustana College in the Quad Cities and that I was going to be away for a few days, my wife was not surprised.  Nonetheless, this was a big milestone for our family.  This would be the first time that I was away from my girls for more than 10 hours since they were born.  Many people asked me if my wife was going to be okay, if she had a bunch of help with the girls.  I just laughed because she is supermom and can handle just about anything with our bundles of joy.  Little did they know that the one who really needed the help was me.

I may not show it very often, but I am a big softy at heart.  My girls truly brighten my day.  Leaving them was very hard for me.  Even though it was only one night (I came back a day early, as Wednesday was our four year anniversary), this was a big step for us.

Still, I could use the sleep.  As a guy who normally slept 8-9 hours straight pre-babies, I had to admit that a night away with full sleep sounded a little enticing.  

So when I left for camp at 5:30 Monday morning, I kissed my girls (who happened to be up feeding) and wife and reminded her to send me lots of snapchats.  I also reminded her (who am I kidding, I was really reassuring myself) that it was only going to be one night away.

The drive was long and lonely.  Since I was coming back early, I drove the 2-1/2 hour trip alone.  At 7:30, I desperately wanted to talk to my wife to see how she and the girls were doing, but I restrained myself.  It had been a tough few days prior to leaving and I knew my wife needed the extra sleep.

So after an hour and a half I finally broke down and called her.  She was up and enjoying the morning to herself while the girls continued to sleep extremely well.  

When we got to camp, we were running a bit behind so we threw our gear in our dorm rooms and headed straight down to the stadium for our first practice.  The rest of that day and night as well as the following day were extremely jam packed.  I think I got a total of an hour to myself.  It was good to be with the guys working on something that I truly love.

But if I'm being completely honest, my heart wasn't completely in it.  Don't get me wrong, I joined this profession because I love teaching and coaching and working with young men.  I love the camaraderie of a tight-knit group of guys united under the common bond of football.  Nonetheless, I couldn't stop thinking about my family back home.  

Julianne sent me some awesome pictures of the girls, and they always brightened my day.  I found myself constantly looking to my phone to see if a new one had come in.  As guilty as I felt for not completely being "there" with the team, it was a real comfort to get updates from home.

When 6:00 on Tuesday evening rolled around, I was extremely ready to head home.  As I headed out of the Quad Cities, it took everything within me to not have a lead foot to get home (I foolishly got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago and was not up for paying another $150 for a ticket and traffic class; BTW: when did tickets get so expensive!?!).

As I did the math for figuring when I would be home, my heart sank a little.  I realized after stopping for dinner and getting out of a little bit of traffic, I wasn't going to be home till close to 10:00, which meant my girls were already going to be asleep.  I know in my last post I said that with twins you can break the "Never wake a sleeping baby" rule, but that's only if one is up and ready to feed.

When I pulled in, I felt peace.  I was home with the people I love, and just knowing that our proximity was condensed to a few feet gave me comfort.  I went inside, kissed my wife, and we got ready for bed.

After I was ready for bed, I felt antsy.  How could I go to bed knowing that the two little ones I hadn't seen or kissed in over 40 hours were in the room right next to me!?!

So even though it is not best practice in child-rearing, I decided to sneak in and give them the slightest of kisses.  Not even the lightest of sleepers would have been able to detect how gentle and quiet I was going to be (if you know me at all, you should be laughing right now because you know that I am neither gentle nor quiet when it is absolutely necessary).

As I went in to kiss my girls, Reese opened her eyes and looked straight at me.  I was caught.  I prayed, "Please God, don't let her cry and wake the other one or let Julianne know that I had woken her up."  The next thing that happened truly changed me forever.

Remember that scene in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas where the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day?  

I think mine grew about 100.

The light kind of blinded her, but I promise
she was smiling!

Inside that crib there in the dimly lit room, my little Reese gave me the biggest smile possible.  My little girl saw me, recognized me, and was happy to have her daddy home.  At that moment, nothing else mattered.  To my little girl, her protector, her provider, the one that makes her smile was home, and she was happy.



Seeing your children recognize you and give you a huge smile might be the most rewarding part of parenting I found yet.  I'm sure further on down the road I will love seeing my girls' first hand-drawn pictures, their first books they read, their first plays.  I can't imagine how proud I'll be seeing them find success in their studies, in athletics, in music, or whatever they find an interest in.  The day they accept Christ as their savior, I think my heart might grow a million sizes.

But for this one small moment, for this one small milestone, I couldn't be happier.  Maybe the time away, as hard as it was,  ended up being exactly what I needed to see the major blessings I have in my life.

Doubly Blessed

Twins are extremely unique.  Even with the advances in fertility treatments, having twins is pretty rare.  In fact, only 1 in about 30 births is twins.  Even more rare are identical twins, which occurs roughly 1 in every 285 births.  So it should have come as no surprise to me that every time I stepped outside the house with my two baby girls, we were going to be on display for the world to see and marvel.  I was ready to show off my girls (how can a dad not be proud for helping conceive TWO beautiful baby girls?), but I did not realize how often we would cause traffic jams in the middle of Meijer parking lots or lane blockages in the aisles of Kohl's.

Nonetheless, I have adjusted pretty well to all the additional attention (I realize that attention is not for me, but I can dream, right?).  Anytime I'm out in public, I proudly hold my head high and smile, showing the world how happy I am to be the dad to these two beautiful baby girls.

Sleeping like....well, they're sleeping like babies ;)

Even before we had our twins, though, we started to get funny, odd, and interesting questions and comments from everybody and their grandmother.  It seemed one moment people would comment and say to my wife, "You're having twins? You're huge!  Are you sure there aren't three in there?"  Then a minute later we would meet somebody new and they would say, "Twins? But you're so small!"  I guess size, like beauty, is all in the eye of the beholder.

Well those comments and questions got me thinking.  What other common things did we tend to hear a lot of?  Certainly by answering them so often we became quite rehearsed and polished in our delivery.  The following ten questions/comments were asked on numerous occasions and never ceased to amaze us.  Some were funny, some were ridiculous, and others were genuinely intriguing.  So if you've been wondering the same thing, here goes!

1.  You're having twins? Whose family does it run in?

Of all the questions we've received, this might be the most common.  Before we found out we were having twins, this was a question I would have asked people with twins.  Now I know better.

Often when people are asking if twins run in the family, what most are really trying to get at is, "Did you do fertility treatments?"  Sadly, this was something I did not want people to think (I say sadly because there is a stigma with fertility treatments, which is incredibly unfortunate.  Many families struggle through some very real and painful issues with trying to conceive and have children, and it is unfortunate that receiving medical help to have a family is seen as lesser than being able to conceive on your own, but I digress).  Still, the question is asked and does have some merit to it.

Fraternal twins can run in families.  If you are expecting twins in your family, it would have to come from the mother's side because what is actually happening that allows for fraternal twins is that she is releasing multiple eggs each cycle.  Since the father does not release eggs (shocking, I know!), it is impossible for the cause of your twins to run through the father's side.  

However, if there is a history of twins on the father's side, his daughters would have a much higher chance of having twins on down the road as they can release multiple eggs.

For us, though, all these points are moot, as we have identical twins.  In the scientific world, they might say identical twins are a fluke of nature.  We rather like to think of our girls as a true miracle.  We have no previous twins in either of our families, so having twins truly comes from God.  And when people have asked this question, my response is, "They do now!"

2.  You're having identical?  Is it one of each?

As ridiculous as this question may sound, we have heard it on many occasions.  I'm guessing that some middle school health or biology teacher somewhere in the world failed to do  his or her job because there really is some confusion on what "identical" means.  

Identical twins come from the same egg and split after fertilization.  Before they were two, they were a single-celled zygote.  At that point, they were either male of female.  Then at some point, the egg split and created two identical copies of each other.  You could not create a boy and a girl, as they would not be identical.

A lot of the confusion, I think, comes when fraternal twins look a lot alike.  But this should make sense.  What are fraternal twins but siblings who happened to be born at the same time?  Many siblings, especially if they are close in age, look incredibly alike.  How much more would siblings born within minutes of each other look alike?

Probably the funniest but also most frustrating instance of trying to explain the whole identical thing to people was with a good friend at church.  He was asking us about having twins, if they were identical, if they were a boy and a girl, and from that point we had to go through the explanation of what identical means.  I tried to explain that "identical" meant "identical parts."  He tried to argue with us and say that's not what identical meant (seriously, he tried to tell two people who had been going to a high risk specialist doctor every single week, but he must have been the expert because he heard one time way back when that identical twins.....), then he was convinced that "they" must have changed the definition of "identical" (not quite sure who "they" would be).  At that point we just had to hide our shocked faces and laugh it off.  I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll have to teach somebody the meaning of "identical."

3.  So when is your wife going back to work?

This is a legitimate question.  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, most women who have children continue to work.  In 2013 the workforce participation rate of mothers of children less than a year old was 57.3%, mothers of children under six years old was 63.9%, and mothers of children six to seventeen was 74.7%.  In addition, most families with dual incomes live to the extent of both of those incomes.  Finally, my job as a teacher is not the most lucrative in the world, therefore the thought of us living on just my salary is surprising to most people.  So when people assume that my wife would go back to work, it makes sense.

However, she is not going back to work, at least not if we can help it.  First off, the cost to send two children to daycare is astronomical (we'd be paying between $16,000-17,000 annually).  If we were to do that, almost half of Julianne's take home pay would be eaten up in childcare costs.  More importantly though, we feel that our family is being called to live simply and have Julianne stay home raising and teaching our girls.

Nevertheless, it saddens, me, when people look down at the stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) because they believe that her choice is not as noble or important as that of one working outside the home.  I truly believe that God has called some women to be working professionals outside of the home and others to stay at home to raise their children, and each calling is of equal value and worth.  

A SAHM is a whale of a job in and of itself (much respect is due my wife for all she does; she's amazing!).  My wife comes from a very unique perspective in that she is an extremely driven working professional who spent six years in the classroom.  Now through her choice and calling from God, she is changing professions to stay home for a few years raising our children.

Being a SAHM is 24/7. You can't take off the mom hat.  When our girls need to eat, mom is there.  When they need to be changed (and dad isn't around ;) mom is there.  Her job is to be a mom.  She will eventually teach them how to roll over, to crawl, to walk, to talk, to read, and to write.  When it comes to their colors, animals, numbers, letters, and shapes, mom is the one who has put in countless hours day in and day out.  When they take their first fall, mom will be there to comfort them and make everything okay.  When they have their first confrontation with kids on the playground or in playgroup, mom will be there to teach them how to treat others.  Most importantly, mom is there to teach them about God and Jesus, and how deeply and intimately they are loved.

This is not to say that mothers and fathers who work don't do these things, but when you are a SAHM, this is your main job.  I think that we need to remember and value the importance of what stay-at-home-moms are doing every single day.

4.  Are you getting much sleep?

If you were to ask me a year ago how I thought my sleep was going to be with having a child, let alone twins, I would have said that I was dreading all the lost hours.  I am the type that NEEDS at least 8 hours of uninterrupted, peaceful, glorious sleep.  I knew that babies ruthlessly stole precious hours, minutes, seconds of your night, and that was what I feared the most, especially since I'm not a coffee drinker and didn't intend to become one.

Actually, sleep has been great.  I don't get a full 8 hours most nights, and they definitely are not uninterrupted, but I am functioning just as well now than as I did before children.  I truly believe that God takes the precious time I do sleep and graciously multiplies it and fills up my cup daily.

In truth, the main reason why sleep has been more than bearable is my amazing wife.  Since we exclusively breast feed our girls, I am pretty useless when it comes to feeding.  In the middle of the night, I will get up to change their diapers once, and she will do all the feeding.  I will occasionally have to rock and soothe one baby while the other one is feeding (#twinproblems), but that pales in comparison to all that my beautiful, loving, compassionate, selfless bride does each night.  I can truly say that she is the one carrying this family through our sleepless nights, and for that I am extremely and humbly grateful. 

5.  What's it like having twins?

This is probably the toughest question I get (I know what you're thinking, how could that be so tough, just tell them what you do day in and day out).  The problem is that I don't know any different.  The context of the question is huge, as when I answer it to a person with one child will probably be different to the person who has ten kids to the person who has none.  Either way, this is what I know.  I'd probably be much better at answering it later after we have more (and assuming that God gives us one at a time here on out) knowing the difference between having one versus two at a time.  

Overall, having twins is awesome.  Probably so far my favorite part is that you don't have to share (except at family gatherings; grandparents can be soooooooo demanding of holding babies).  When I just really want to cuddle with one of my girls, I get one and Julianne gets the other.  Then after a while we switch.  I never have to worry about fighting for time with my girls.  The biggest thing I need to worry about is which one have I held the most that day.

6.  How do you tell them apart?

There is definitely a learning curve to learning the in's and out's of your babies.  At first we kept Reese's hospital bracelet on.  Then we painted her toe to make sure we always had a safety backup (we didn't want what happened to Uncle Jesse to happen to us).

Early on I would come home from work and go straight to the girls and guess who was who.  About half the time I got it right, the other half wrong.  Over time, though, we have picked up on little intricacies with each girl, so I don't think I would mix them up now (but don't hold me to that).

Reese: She is about half a pound heavier, so that is my first indication.  Because of this, she looks a little bit fuller in the face and belly (though, you'd really have to know them intimately and be keenly attuned to them to pick up on this).  
She also has just a little bit longer hair up top.  Recently she has been playing with her hands a lot, so that can also be a major help to figure them out.

Sienna: Other than being smaller, Sienna also likes to mimic and talk to us a lot.  She has a lot of fun trying to recreate the shape of our lips as we talk and call back on sounds.  In addition, when she's irritated or simply curious, she likes to arch her back and throw her head backwards.

Finally, to make things much easier on ourselves, we typically dress Sienna in warmer colors (pink, red, orange, yellow) and Reese in cooler colors (purple, blue, green).  This helps a lot if you need to quickly grab a certain baby and don't have time to weigh, see who will play with their hands, or measure the millimeter difference in their hair.

7.  Oh man, "double trouble!"

What, am I raising convicts and now have to deal with double the court fees and double the prison visits?

Sure raising twins has some clear difficulties.  I have to change twice as many diapers (you may think I'm weird, but this is actually one of my favorite ways to interact with my girls; mommy gets to feed, I get to change!).  And when both babies are fussy and you're all alone, this can present some very, very challenging obstacles (see previous post).  But in reality my girls are not a trouble at all.  They are truly blessings from God.  More about this later on.

8.  Did you freak out when you learned you were having twins?

I don't know what it is about guys that says, "He can't handle having a baby."  The media makes dad's look like bumbling buffoons who are incompetent when it comes to raising children.  This couldn't be further from the truth, as I am well acquainted with many, many dad's who are extremely successful, loving fathers.

Add on the fact that a dad is having twins, and people automatically assume that he is crunching numbers in his head and freaking out about how he's going to pay for it (thousands of diapers, trade in that sports car for the minivan, upgrade to a bigger house).  This may be true for some guys, but when I found out, I couldn't be happier.  In fact it was a double answer (in more ways than one) to our prayers.

We had been trying to conceive for more than a year.  That process can be extremely painful and difficult to go through, and our experience honestly wasn't even that long.  We had been praying for children for a long time, and God seemed to be saying "not yet" to that request.  Yet we continued to pray and trust in his timing.  In fact, we were so bold in our prayers to ask for twins.  

Now I understand many may think, "Who in the world seriously prays for something like that?"  Or maybe you're thinking, "Gosh that's selfish; wouldn't one be an answer to your prayers?"  Yet we knew that we have a BIG God who can do BIG things.  We each individually had desired twins and loved the thought of having our own.  And knowing that twins didn't "run in our families," it was only by God's provision that this was going to be possible.  Praying for it just seemed natural.

So early on we found out we were pregnant.  We were extremely elated.  We broke down crying seeing how amazing God was to answer our prayer for a child.  A week later we went in for an ultrasound, still waiting for an answer to our second prayer.  When the ultrasound tech said, "Oh wait, look what we have here," neither of us were shocked.  If God hadn't answered that prayer, he would have been just as good and righteous.  But we certainly weren't going to doubt that he could or would say yes to our prayers, especially when He tells us that He loves to give us good gifts.

9.  Are they on the same schedule?

Have you ever heard of the old adage, "Never wake a sleeping baby"?  When you have twins, you throw that out the window.

So many times we will find that one baby wakes up and is hungry.  We feed, and then 10, 20, 30, 45 minutes later the other baby wakes up.  If babies don't stay on the same schedule, they can truly wreak havoc on sleep all around.  Parents of twins have to do anything they can to make sure their babies stay on the same schedule.  

For us, that means when one baby wakes up to eat, we wake the other up to eat so they stay together.  As bad as you feel about taking one out of their deep sleep, you feel way worse when you finish with one, fall asleep and then a few minutes later the other one wakes up.  Once you finish with that one, you put them down, fall asleep yourself, and then the other one wakes up and you're back at square one again, though with less energy.  Keeping babies on the same schedule is paramount in raising twins.

10.  Two for the price of one! So you're done now, right?

This comment/question is a double whammy.  First, twins is definitely not a two for one price tag.  Due to twins being high risk, you have to go get ultrasounds monthly for the first four months or so, then every other week for the second half. You also have to see you're primary OBGYN the same amount of times.  Add in that all twins are born in the operating room and most of those are C-Section (which means we had about 12-15 people in the room during their births), plus a longer hospital stay, plus the risk of going to the NICU, twins are WAY more expensive.  My rough estimate for our total expenses from conception through birth is $70,000-80,000 (praise God for good health insurance!).  

So many people have said to my wife, "You are so lucky, you got two babies out of the way with only one pregnancy!"  Let me tell you, her pregnancy and delivery was nothing like that of most single births.  She gave birth via planned C-Section at 37 weeks.  The doctors say she was measuring around 44-45 weeks by the size of her belly, almost 2 whole months further along than she actually was (see the video below of her belly growth)

The last three days before delivery she could barely walk because the girls were pushing so much on her spine that it was pinching a nerve that shot pain up and down her leg and into her back.  Carrying twins is NOT two for the price of one.

Now for the second part.  Our culture has so ingrained into themselves that once you have two kids, you're done.  I come from a family where my parents only had two children.  This was extremely normal and worked well for us.  However, when I tell people that I want somewhere around 5-6 kids, I get strange expressions from people wondering why in the world I would want to have so many (in the grand scheme of things, six kids has been pretty normal for many families throughout history).

Children are a blessing.  Many may question how in the world I'll be able to afford that many kids on a teacher's salary while my wife stays home.  Maybe I won't be able to afford it.  Maybe we'll have to cut back on our numbers (before, not after ;).  Maybe my wife will have to go back to work.  What I do know, though, is that I am going to live simply enough that my kids know that they are the blessing to Julianne and me, not the things we possess.  When my body fails and they bury me in the ground, I want people to say, "He was blessed by the family he shared," not by the things he had.

Of all the funny/crazy/interesting things I have heard from people about having twins, the following has to be my all-time favorite.  I am truly doubly blessed!

p.s.  Thanks to all the friends and family who helped make videos for this post!

Into the Fire

I am the baby of my immediate family.  I am also the baby of my mom's side of the family.  On my dad's side, I have 5 younger cousins, but since they were hours away, I never grew up around babies.  I love toddlers because you can play a bunch of fun games with them (maybe that's because I'm still a kid at heart).  But with babies, man am I a novice!  Don't get me wrong, I think babies are absolutely adorable.  And the thought of holding a sleeping baby seemed like one of the most amazing experiences a person could have.  

Still, I had no clue what to expect when I had my own.  I had heard so many horror stories of parents getting ZERO sleep (how in the world was I going to function on anything less than a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep!?!), or of babies who never stopped crying (this was what my younger cousin did for the first 3 months of his life; we were sure he had a twisted gut).  How in the world was I going to adjust to the rigors of fatherhood?

So when Reese and Sienna entered our world on March 14th, 2014, I was somewhat thrown into the fire.  I had a lot of learning to do, and it had to be fast.  

Must have been extra bright that day :)

The good news is that we're three months in and I am still alive.  Sleep has actually been pretty good.  We're still waking up 2-3 times a night, but my energy level is as good if not better than before I had kids (I think God graciously pours his mercy on me and miraculously multiplies my sleep and energy enough to make it through the day).  And our girls are actually really happy babies.  They do occasionally fuss but are easily calmed with some food and gentle soothing.

So when my wife started asking me if it was alright if she left the house for a few hours to go back to her step class at the gym, I felt like it was only fair to give the woman who selflessly spends every waking hour feeding, changing, entertaining, and loving on two very special girls the opportunity to have a little bit of her independence back.  Now mind you she has been exclusively breast-feeding the girls (they've never tasted formula), so I have a very limited ability to soothe a truly hungry baby (there's milk in the freezer, but that's something you really have to plan ahead for).  Still, two hours alone with two babies is really asking very little of their dad, so I gladly assured my wife that we would be alright and that it was important for her to get her time to herself.

Within 15 minutes of my wife leaving, I was in a conundrum any new dad of twins dreads: the simultaneous happy sleeping baby and the fussy hungry baby.

I'm stuck!

Happy, sleepy Reese.

Hungry, fussy Sienna.

I was stuck.  I didn't want to wake the one that is sleeping so peacefully, but I also didn't want to let my other girl work herself up so much that she was completely inconsolable.  

So with the predicament I found myself in, I was able to not only get through that situation but also document for you all (you didn't even know you needed this information) the tips I have been given and figured out along the way to deal either specifically with twins or simply with a fussing baby.  The following are the keys for my success:

1. Whether you are trying to move two babies to another room or one baby is sleeping and the other is fussing, you have to learn the art of picking up a baby with one hand.  Now this move is not for the timid or fearful.  You have to be confident and move quickly (but not too quickly, we don't want any babies to get whip-lash!).  So with a baby in one hand, I take my other hand and reach down and place my hand on the side/back of the other baby kind of cupping it in her armpit.  I roll the baby onto my wrist/forearm and pull her up close to my chest.  The following video does a much better job demonstrating this move than I can explain.

2. Another simple move you can make to help calm a fussy baby while holding a sleeping one is to bounce her on your knee.  Both of my girls love to sit up and observe the world around them, and a little movement can help calm them or at least take their mind off of their hunger (for a while).  For this move, I have her straddle my knee while I put my arm around her chest under her arms to keep her in place and then bounce my knee up and down.

3. If a baby is crying, it's not for no reason (sorry for the double negative, but it fits).  One possibility might be that she needs a new diaper.  At this point, you definitely want to put the other baby down as you will absolutely need both arms to change the other.  While changing, the most important thing I have learned (the hard way) is to get your new diaper ready right away and place it underneath your baby.  Then after you have loosened the old diaper, with one hand grab both feet and pull them up to wipe.  

I always leave the old diaper there for a few seconds because the cold air often seems to be some sort of natural trigger for nature's call to kick in.  And all those warnings about how boys can send a stream far into the air may be true, but girls can do the same thing (I've seen/felt it), and in fact theirs doesn't tend to be in a nice even stream that can easily be directed into a cloth or diaper.  Keeping the old diaper there for a few seconds can save you from having to waste a brand new diaper, and having the new diaper underneath will prevent leakages when removing the old.

4.  If none of these things stop the fussiness, she is most likely hungry.  Knowing my wife will be home in half an hour puts me in a tough position.  I could pull out some milk from the freezer, but by the time I get it thawed and in the bottle, it would be about the same time my wife got home (I know what you're thinking, but no, you can't just nuke it in the microwave, it would get way too hot for a baby to drink; think reheating chili: the stuff touching the bowl is scalding hot while the inner stuff is ice cold).  So my options are pretty limited.  However, if you have introduced a pacifier, this can be a lifesaver for the few extra minutes you might need to calm a crying baby.  As the video shows, she's not completely interested in it, but it's just enough to slowly calm her down and prevent her mother coming home to chaos.

As you can see, I'm nowhere near perfect in my ability to calm babies.  But by the grace of God, I'm getting better.

Fatherhood is no easy task, and having twins only raises the bar.  Honestly, the best preparation any man can make to be a dad is to love his wife and children with all his heart and be selfless in his actions.  I have fallen far short of these ideals on many occasions, but when I truly love my wife and girls and decide to put their best interests in front of my own, I'm able to care for them in exactly the way they need.  The rest will fall into place as I go.