Into the Fire

I am the baby of my immediate family.  I am also the baby of my mom's side of the family.  On my dad's side, I have 5 younger cousins, but since they were hours away, I never grew up around babies.  I love toddlers because you can play a bunch of fun games with them (maybe that's because I'm still a kid at heart).  But with babies, man am I a novice!  Don't get me wrong, I think babies are absolutely adorable.  And the thought of holding a sleeping baby seemed like one of the most amazing experiences a person could have.  

Still, I had no clue what to expect when I had my own.  I had heard so many horror stories of parents getting ZERO sleep (how in the world was I going to function on anything less than a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep!?!), or of babies who never stopped crying (this was what my younger cousin did for the first 3 months of his life; we were sure he had a twisted gut).  How in the world was I going to adjust to the rigors of fatherhood?

So when Reese and Sienna entered our world on March 14th, 2014, I was somewhat thrown into the fire.  I had a lot of learning to do, and it had to be fast.  

Must have been extra bright that day :)

The good news is that we're three months in and I am still alive.  Sleep has actually been pretty good.  We're still waking up 2-3 times a night, but my energy level is as good if not better than before I had kids (I think God graciously pours his mercy on me and miraculously multiplies my sleep and energy enough to make it through the day).  And our girls are actually really happy babies.  They do occasionally fuss but are easily calmed with some food and gentle soothing.

So when my wife started asking me if it was alright if she left the house for a few hours to go back to her step class at the gym, I felt like it was only fair to give the woman who selflessly spends every waking hour feeding, changing, entertaining, and loving on two very special girls the opportunity to have a little bit of her independence back.  Now mind you she has been exclusively breast-feeding the girls (they've never tasted formula), so I have a very limited ability to soothe a truly hungry baby (there's milk in the freezer, but that's something you really have to plan ahead for).  Still, two hours alone with two babies is really asking very little of their dad, so I gladly assured my wife that we would be alright and that it was important for her to get her time to herself.

Within 15 minutes of my wife leaving, I was in a conundrum any new dad of twins dreads: the simultaneous happy sleeping baby and the fussy hungry baby.

I'm stuck!

Happy, sleepy Reese.

Hungry, fussy Sienna.

I was stuck.  I didn't want to wake the one that is sleeping so peacefully, but I also didn't want to let my other girl work herself up so much that she was completely inconsolable.  

So with the predicament I found myself in, I was able to not only get through that situation but also document for you all (you didn't even know you needed this information) the tips I have been given and figured out along the way to deal either specifically with twins or simply with a fussing baby.  The following are the keys for my success:

1. Whether you are trying to move two babies to another room or one baby is sleeping and the other is fussing, you have to learn the art of picking up a baby with one hand.  Now this move is not for the timid or fearful.  You have to be confident and move quickly (but not too quickly, we don't want any babies to get whip-lash!).  So with a baby in one hand, I take my other hand and reach down and place my hand on the side/back of the other baby kind of cupping it in her armpit.  I roll the baby onto my wrist/forearm and pull her up close to my chest.  The following video does a much better job demonstrating this move than I can explain.

2. Another simple move you can make to help calm a fussy baby while holding a sleeping one is to bounce her on your knee.  Both of my girls love to sit up and observe the world around them, and a little movement can help calm them or at least take their mind off of their hunger (for a while).  For this move, I have her straddle my knee while I put my arm around her chest under her arms to keep her in place and then bounce my knee up and down.

3. If a baby is crying, it's not for no reason (sorry for the double negative, but it fits).  One possibility might be that she needs a new diaper.  At this point, you definitely want to put the other baby down as you will absolutely need both arms to change the other.  While changing, the most important thing I have learned (the hard way) is to get your new diaper ready right away and place it underneath your baby.  Then after you have loosened the old diaper, with one hand grab both feet and pull them up to wipe.  

I always leave the old diaper there for a few seconds because the cold air often seems to be some sort of natural trigger for nature's call to kick in.  And all those warnings about how boys can send a stream far into the air may be true, but girls can do the same thing (I've seen/felt it), and in fact theirs doesn't tend to be in a nice even stream that can easily be directed into a cloth or diaper.  Keeping the old diaper there for a few seconds can save you from having to waste a brand new diaper, and having the new diaper underneath will prevent leakages when removing the old.

4.  If none of these things stop the fussiness, she is most likely hungry.  Knowing my wife will be home in half an hour puts me in a tough position.  I could pull out some milk from the freezer, but by the time I get it thawed and in the bottle, it would be about the same time my wife got home (I know what you're thinking, but no, you can't just nuke it in the microwave, it would get way too hot for a baby to drink; think reheating chili: the stuff touching the bowl is scalding hot while the inner stuff is ice cold).  So my options are pretty limited.  However, if you have introduced a pacifier, this can be a lifesaver for the few extra minutes you might need to calm a crying baby.  As the video shows, she's not completely interested in it, but it's just enough to slowly calm her down and prevent her mother coming home to chaos.

As you can see, I'm nowhere near perfect in my ability to calm babies.  But by the grace of God, I'm getting better.

Fatherhood is no easy task, and having twins only raises the bar.  Honestly, the best preparation any man can make to be a dad is to love his wife and children with all his heart and be selfless in his actions.  I have fallen far short of these ideals on many occasions, but when I truly love my wife and girls and decide to put their best interests in front of my own, I'm able to care for them in exactly the way they need.  The rest will fall into place as I go.