Much Needed Time Away

***(Before I start, you may think that as a dad of two babies that require a lot of attention and energy, time away is a necessity.  However, I am a homebody and struggle with being away from home and especially my wife and girls.  Despite that, this experience showed why time away can unexpectedly be a blessing in disguise.)***

As a football coach, there are many duties required of us that pull us away from our families.  Practices during the week run till about 5 or 6 o'clock.  Games on Friday nights mean we won't see our families most likely till Saturday mornings.  And those glorious Saturday mornings we all desire to sleep in are spent breaking down film and getting a team workout in.  Even summers are not completely free for the teacher/coach, as most of the non-education world believes.  We spend weeks preparing for the season ahead with lifting, camps, 7-on-7's and other team activities.  Needless to say, our families are extremely understanding of all that is required of us as coaches.  

So when I told my wife that we had an overnight team camp at beautiful Augustana College in the Quad Cities and that I was going to be away for a few days, my wife was not surprised.  Nonetheless, this was a big milestone for our family.  This would be the first time that I was away from my girls for more than 10 hours since they were born.  Many people asked me if my wife was going to be okay, if she had a bunch of help with the girls.  I just laughed because she is supermom and can handle just about anything with our bundles of joy.  Little did they know that the one who really needed the help was me.

I may not show it very often, but I am a big softy at heart.  My girls truly brighten my day.  Leaving them was very hard for me.  Even though it was only one night (I came back a day early, as Wednesday was our four year anniversary), this was a big step for us.

Still, I could use the sleep.  As a guy who normally slept 8-9 hours straight pre-babies, I had to admit that a night away with full sleep sounded a little enticing.  

So when I left for camp at 5:30 Monday morning, I kissed my girls (who happened to be up feeding) and wife and reminded her to send me lots of snapchats.  I also reminded her (who am I kidding, I was really reassuring myself) that it was only going to be one night away.

The drive was long and lonely.  Since I was coming back early, I drove the 2-1/2 hour trip alone.  At 7:30, I desperately wanted to talk to my wife to see how she and the girls were doing, but I restrained myself.  It had been a tough few days prior to leaving and I knew my wife needed the extra sleep.

So after an hour and a half I finally broke down and called her.  She was up and enjoying the morning to herself while the girls continued to sleep extremely well.  

When we got to camp, we were running a bit behind so we threw our gear in our dorm rooms and headed straight down to the stadium for our first practice.  The rest of that day and night as well as the following day were extremely jam packed.  I think I got a total of an hour to myself.  It was good to be with the guys working on something that I truly love.

But if I'm being completely honest, my heart wasn't completely in it.  Don't get me wrong, I joined this profession because I love teaching and coaching and working with young men.  I love the camaraderie of a tight-knit group of guys united under the common bond of football.  Nonetheless, I couldn't stop thinking about my family back home.  

Julianne sent me some awesome pictures of the girls, and they always brightened my day.  I found myself constantly looking to my phone to see if a new one had come in.  As guilty as I felt for not completely being "there" with the team, it was a real comfort to get updates from home.

When 6:00 on Tuesday evening rolled around, I was extremely ready to head home.  As I headed out of the Quad Cities, it took everything within me to not have a lead foot to get home (I foolishly got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago and was not up for paying another $150 for a ticket and traffic class; BTW: when did tickets get so expensive!?!).

As I did the math for figuring when I would be home, my heart sank a little.  I realized after stopping for dinner and getting out of a little bit of traffic, I wasn't going to be home till close to 10:00, which meant my girls were already going to be asleep.  I know in my last post I said that with twins you can break the "Never wake a sleeping baby" rule, but that's only if one is up and ready to feed.

When I pulled in, I felt peace.  I was home with the people I love, and just knowing that our proximity was condensed to a few feet gave me comfort.  I went inside, kissed my wife, and we got ready for bed.

After I was ready for bed, I felt antsy.  How could I go to bed knowing that the two little ones I hadn't seen or kissed in over 40 hours were in the room right next to me!?!

So even though it is not best practice in child-rearing, I decided to sneak in and give them the slightest of kisses.  Not even the lightest of sleepers would have been able to detect how gentle and quiet I was going to be (if you know me at all, you should be laughing right now because you know that I am neither gentle nor quiet when it is absolutely necessary).

As I went in to kiss my girls, Reese opened her eyes and looked straight at me.  I was caught.  I prayed, "Please God, don't let her cry and wake the other one or let Julianne know that I had woken her up."  The next thing that happened truly changed me forever.

Remember that scene in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas where the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day?  

I think mine grew about 100.

The light kind of blinded her, but I promise
she was smiling!

Inside that crib there in the dimly lit room, my little Reese gave me the biggest smile possible.  My little girl saw me, recognized me, and was happy to have her daddy home.  At that moment, nothing else mattered.  To my little girl, her protector, her provider, the one that makes her smile was home, and she was happy.



Seeing your children recognize you and give you a huge smile might be the most rewarding part of parenting I found yet.  I'm sure further on down the road I will love seeing my girls' first hand-drawn pictures, their first books they read, their first plays.  I can't imagine how proud I'll be seeing them find success in their studies, in athletics, in music, or whatever they find an interest in.  The day they accept Christ as their savior, I think my heart might grow a million sizes.

But for this one small moment, for this one small milestone, I couldn't be happier.  Maybe the time away, as hard as it was,  ended up being exactly what I needed to see the major blessings I have in my life.